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Darwin

Hard to believe, but another year has passed... (For those who don't
know about it, the Darwin Awards are awarded every year to the
person(s) who died in the stupidest way, thereby removing themselves
from the gene pool...)
The 2000 nominees are:
NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a
hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what
police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the
truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could
ascertain the source of a rumbling noise. Burns' clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive
shaft."
NOMINEE No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C.
Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special,
which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
NOMINEE No. 4: [UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a
pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy
previously had conducted demonstration of window strength according to
police reports. Peter Lawyers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day
Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was one of the best and
brightest" members of the 200-man association.
NOMINEE No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service] A terrible diet and room with no
ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by
his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large
amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily
of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the
right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep
from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had
he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been
fatal. But the man was shut up in his near-airtight bedroom. According
to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for
creating "this deadly gas."  Three of the rescuers got sick and one was
hospitalized.
NOMINEE No. 6: ["News of the Weird"] Michael Anderson Godwin made News
of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South
Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his
sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in
his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and
was electrocuted.
NOMINEE NO. 7: ["The Indianapolis Star"]. A cigarette lighter may have
triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using
a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed
Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural
Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a
54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using
the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
NOMINEE No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto
suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was
standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector
D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional police. "It appears the chair moved
and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
AND FINALLY - NOMINEE No. 9: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]
Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the
road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early
Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the
accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc
and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious
condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two
men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip. On an overcast
Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two
men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had
burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed
that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse
box next to the steering wheel column. After inserting the bullet, the
headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded
toward the White River bridge. After traveling about 20 miles and just
before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged
and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply
right exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only
minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to
repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when
Thurston shot his balls off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this
is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this
accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck,
Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did
anyone get them from the truck. (Way to go, Lavinia).

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