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Needs

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so 
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I've 
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their 
heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting 
into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't 
feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to 
hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman 
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to 
my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not 
what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with 
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big 
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on 
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one 
to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to 
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. 
We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of 
diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have 
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was 
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even 
know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 
"That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from 
all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally 
said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't 
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled 
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. 
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me 
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this 
look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me 
for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch 
knows I'm smarter than her.

Choose another joke file: college, cybersex.dnd.style, needs, darwin, men,